Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs to Meet Henry, Strict Measures to be Taken
Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Martin has in an unprecedented move asked the French striker and Irish heartbreaker Thierry Henry to meet with him privately to discuss the infamous handball. Not the News Ireland has learnt the Minister has been working hard at gaining entry into the changing room of the French team. When asked what exactly would he say to the man that ended Ireland’s world cup dreams he was stern and succinct: “The initial plan after talking to Brian [Cowen] was obviously was to kill Mr. Henry using one of the Taoiseach’s three secret assassinations. However, after a few calls were made to the Dept. Of Defence we realised that’s a privilege reserved only for President Obama, would have been a bit of a political faux pas really.”
In what can only be called decisive yet controversial measures an emergency cabinet meeting has taken place at Leinster House. A press conference held on the steps of government revealed the actions to be taken by the Government in the aftermath of a devastating evening. “We suggest a call to patriotic action by all citizens of Ireland to avoid eating cheese, garlic and other French products associated with the despicable Nation of France” said the Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan as his voice quivered and he broke down in tears, Minister for Education Batt O’Keeffe took over. “It would be foolish of us to allow our children to be corrupted by these French men with their dishonesty and lack of integrity. Therefore, the government has been left with little option but to ban the teaching of French in all schools throughout the nation”. Initial indications of Ireland declaring war on Thierry Henry have been dismissed by Minister for Defence Willie O’Dea as foolish. “Don’t be silly you declare war on a person, that’s ridiculous: we do however, expect our troop to secure Paris by the morning”.
It is widely expected that in the next few days leading supermarkets will clear their shelves of all Gilette products endorsed by Mr. Henry. Bearded men walking the street will be a common sight well past the days of ‘Movember’. Renault Ireland has also indicated they will no longer sell the Megane featured in a previous advertisement with Henry.
In other less important news the French Embassy in Dublin has been burnt down and its’ occupants killed.
